If Only I Can End


If only I can end the flow of my mind
Doubt will be little and be left behind
The war of thoughts will cease to a truce
With clarity in place, I can finally choose

If only I can end the longing for the lost
I shall sleep and dream all I can exhaust
No more chasing and seeking for long-dead reasons
No more staying and crying on short-lived seasons

If only I can end the noises within
I can forget the feelings I have seen
Never again I will hear my heart
Screaming and begging why it fell apart

If only I can end the painful hate
I would realize soon it was never too late
The thundering beast will learn to be tamed
The cold will freeze what ever is flamed

If only I can end this poem just right
Words will show the way to my light
Where my soul is struggling trying to pretend
Whispering and wishing, if only I can end…



L&B: Life’s Blur

blur 1

To be better. To be finer.

See more in: Lines & Between


The Dreamer


There was once a dreamer who loves to dream
Every thought this dreamer thinks
Creates a world where nothing sinks
Wonders on this dreamer’s eyes
No limits, no boundaries, no hidden price
Nothing untouched for the dreamer who loves to dream

Every day and every night, the dreamer wished to dream forever
In dreams, the dreamer does the best
Chosen one among the rest
Waking up is a nightmare to bare
A wanted world where no one dares
For the rest of time, the dreamer wished to dream forever

Deep inside, the dreamer knows that nothing lasts
Too perfect it is and the truth hurts
Being a dreamer is a living curse
Because all the dreamer can only make
Are dreams. Just dreams that are real and fake
Forever dreaming, the dreamer hopes nothing lasts.




The sunset swallows the blue sky in hazy orange for the last minutes of its reign. The beach goes lazy as swimmers and surfers started to pack up or just chill by the seaside. The sand glows golden. The waves peacefully crashing. Every other thing just in the background.

“Will you come back?” I asked her, caught her staring again at the line where the sky meets the sea. Her beautiful blank face, lit by the sunset, showed either her worrying about what will happen next or just her dealing with plain uncertainty.

“I don’t… I wish, I want to.” She stumbled her words, like the first time we met. At this same beach, at this same time. “I just don’t want this to be over. I wish I could stay with you, be with you every day. But…”

She touched her blue pearl pendant resting around her neck.

I understood. And I also feel the same way about her leaving. The past few weeks has been my best yet. With her. I smiled solemnly.

“You have to go. It’s what brought you here in the first place. If you don’t go back to Deep Atlantis, you’ll lose your halo. You’ll never be an angel anymore.” I told her. I know that being an angel is her life. She devoted her soul to be of service to others as long as she lives. And I don’t want me, a meaningless surfer soul, to be the reason of her downfall. “Besides, maybe you can play your ‘magical’ lyre from there. At least, when I hear it, I know you are still there, reaching me.” I giggled.

She hugged me. Tight.

Her face in my chest. I know she started crying. No, not really crying. Just tears building up on her eyes. She is brave. She won’t cry in my chest. We don’t want that to happen.

I pulled her to look at me, her face cupped in my rough hands. I stared at her teary blue eyes. Her, trying hard not to break apart. Me, trying hard to hold her together. A broken angel never fulfills a duty. She needs to be whole, even if it means me losing parts of her I took.

“I’ll close my eyes.” I told her while remembering every corners of her sun-kissed face. Her eyes. Her lips. Her freckles and all. “I’ll count to ten. Go to the water and be the angel I met the day I died. Be the angel who never refuse to help. Be the angel I’ll always love. Be the angel that you are.”

I was sure she was breaking inside. Her eyes showed it all.

“But, please-” She wanted to say something. Last few parting words, maybe. I don’t want to hear it. She’ll be giving me parts of her again. And I don’t want that to happen. I closed my eyes.


She cried. Her tears rolling on her cheeks, down to my hands.


She took my hands off her face and held it like she’ll never hold it again.


She kissed me. A kiss from a sea angel. It was short but I felt the familiar warmth of her lips for one more time. Maybe our last.

“Four… Five…”

She stood up and I felt her slowly walked towards the water. The sands where we sat shifted as her presence left.

“Six… Seven… Eight…”

Waves. All I can hear are the waves crashing back and forth. The same waves I loved. I half-heartedly chuckled to the idea that the waves that brought her to me, are the same waves taking her back. Was she never mine?


I stopped counting and opened my eyes. I followed her footprints on the sand towards the water, just finding out it has already been wiped away by the sea. Damn it, waves.

I stood there alone, looking at the sunset fading in the horizon.

I whispered. “Ten.”


When the Lights Go Out


What happens when the lights go out?

Darkness swallows the space.

You go wondering what is hiding in the dark.
You don’t know who is watching in the dark.

Cold creeps on to your feet.
Stopping you to move to where you want.
Heck, you don’t even know where you are.

You can’t see yourself.
Your hands.
Your feet.
Your body.

You can’t even call your shadow to be with you.

Senses go wild in the absence of light.
So wild, you can’t even control them, can’t even obey your mind.

The mind builds a fortress, imagined security.
But then gets destroyed by shades, uncertainty.

You’re finding something, someone, somehow.
Yet you are lost, no clues except for the things you feel.
Even the sound gets hollowed as it comes from nothing.
Because in the dark, everything is nothing but imagined.

Still, you believe you’ll find what you want.
You believe it is there somewhere in the dark.
You believe that it is close to you.
You believe that you’ll see it again.

You believed wrong.

Even if you can still feel it, with hope and no doubt
Anything will be lost, when the lights go out.


We Took The Fall


I had a dream.

I had a dream about me falling from the sky.

I had a dream of feeling the winds seemingly passing through every part of my body.

Free falling. A thing some people would really want to try.

Being with you for the past years of my wandering life, was free falling. The kind I would really want to try.

Thousands of feet up above, floating like some lost balloon. Left out to just fly aimlessly. Go up until I can’t, or be blown by the ever-changing blows of the wind. Becoming weightless and senseless. Until my view of the ground is just white, blue, some greens. Until the ground curves into the atmosphere. Until I realize that down there is more of Earth, more of them. One less of me. Up high I am alone, isolated from below.

There was me wishing I could get back on the ground. Feel its solidity. Feel its richness. Feel its warmth. But how? How when all you can do is go up and float? Becoming weightless. No gravity.

Then you grabbed me. Pulled me down. I felt you asking me to go ground. You helped me stop floating. You were my weight. You gave me back my sense of gravity. Being with you is gravity. Making me feel all of down there, all of Earth, once again. With you, I belong.

Yearning for the feel of the soil under my feet, I held on to you. Giving me back my own weight. My own me. I will be back. I am part of them.

But as I regained myself, so is the thought of me falling hard. My regained sense doubled our speed downward. Free falling faster as we approached the ground. Free falling to the thought of me going back. Free falling to the assumption that once we hit ground, you’ll be gone. Free falling.

For a second I wished to be back up there again. Weightless. Senseless. Non-existent on Earth. Until you told me, the ground is where you belong. It is where you have gravity. It is where we have you. It is where you have you.

So I closed my eyes. Felt the last seconds of free falling, with you. My life has been leading to this free falling. It was meant for me to free fall with you.

At that moment, I decided. You decided. We decided.

We took the fall.