A Lifetime of Self

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It takes a lifetime to realize life
The self will just know when it will arrive
Long is the road towards soul’s worth
And until now, my self only knows worse

Ever since I started I never understand
The why’s and the how’s of being the self
It pains me to learn and to satisfy demand
With no one to hold and no answers with help

My lifetime has been all about this load
Resting and growing, in my shoulder it shouts
I barely survived crossing deadly roads
In a game where I can never be out

The self wants to fight and continue to walk
But the mind, the body, the soul begs to stop
The heart is silent with reasons to talk
The evil is edging, waiting for time is up

Life  is for those who are fit and strong
Those who are someone, beings of light
Me, I am no one. Always on the wrong
Burning out of life, trying to make right

It takes a lifetime to realize life
And the self will just know when it will never arrive


*jvanooffee

If Only I Can End

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If only I can end the flow of my mind
Doubt will be little and be left behind
The war of thoughts will cease to a truce
With clarity in place, I can finally choose

If only I can end the longing for the lost
I shall sleep and dream all I can exhaust
No more chasing and seeking for long-dead reasons
No more staying and crying on short-lived seasons

If only I can end the noises within
I can forget the feelings I have seen
Never again I will hear my heart
Screaming and begging why it fell apart

If only I can end the painful hate
I would realize soon it was never too late
The thundering beast will learn to be tamed
The cold will freeze what ever is flamed

If only I can end this poem just right
Words will show the way to my light
Where my soul is struggling trying to pretend
Whispering and wishing, if only I can end…


*jvanooffee